How to kill a black wizard with sigils

Disclaimer: The following is dark humour, that you may or may not like. Hey, some of the jokes I don’t like myself. Don’t put any of the ideas into practice. This is purely for entertainment purposes and basic education on the practices of Aleister Crowley (“the wickedest man in the world”). If anybody puts these ideas into practice, run away screaming and don’t even try to look from a safe distance. Even if you think that you might enjoy watching.

Q: How do you kill a black magician with sigils?
A: You knife him and draw sigils on the wall with his blood.

The idea isn’t mine, by the way. I found it on a website. I go on the bus every week down a very busy road on the South coast of England that goes almost past Aleister Crowley’s grave, and for some time, on one of the houses by the road there was a bedsheet with big spray-painted words. MURDER and CORRUPT POLICE were the ones I remember, plus a website address.

I ignored it, of course. It was a bedsheet with spray-painted words, for Christ’s sake. You know the kind of nutters that do that, nobodies vying for your attention. A few times I heard other people on the bus commenting how distasteful it was.

After quite a few weeks, it dawned on me that I am also the kind of nutter that has hung spray-painted bedsheets, vying for people’s attention. Maybe I ought to check the website, after all. So I did.

The site had a number of murder stories in it, but I remember two especially. One was about a murder that hadn’t been investigated because the killer had drawn a lot of sigils on the wall. The site said the police wouldn’t even touch a case with occult symbols.

You might be a newbie on the subject of sigils, or you may be wondering what they have to do with Aleister Crowley. I’ll give you the basics: sigils are about mushing together letters in a drawing till you can’t tell what the original line was any more. Aleister Crowley was about converting letters into numbers and adding up the numbers, so you can’t tell what the original line was any more. So, same thing, really. You may wonder what’s the point of the exercise. There isn’t one. Which is the whole point. That’s what black wizards are all about, creating confusion. I’ll explain it further as we go along, and you’ll see how it doesn’t really work.

The other murder story in the website was the one was the one that made me think: Hmmm, that one about the sigils sounds true. Maybe you can get away with murder painting sigils on the wall. In that story, a woman was killed, and the killer went to see a mate of his afterwards to talk about it, as one does after knifing a woman to death. It’s a stressful situation, you understand, it makes people want to talk about it with someone. It just happened that the neighbour heard the conversation and heard the wise advice of throwing the knife immediately down a street drain. The neighbour called the police at the first opportunity. The police checked the street drain, found the knife and then… nothing happened. The killer wasn’t arrested. The neighbour was a teensy bit puzzled, and the police patiently explained to him that his statement was hearsay, not valid as evidence in court in a murder case.

Clearly, if the police can’t be asked to do their job when somebody has solved the murder for them, a few sigils must do plenty to deter them from investigating a murder.

Now, it just happens that criminal law used to be a hobby of mine. Well, not quite a hobby, but something I had to study in my free time to help out some friends of mine. All petty criminals, I swear. No murderers, not even seriously violent crime, tiny amounts of drugs. But in those circumstances, criminal law textbooks make for fascinating reading, mostly because the defence lawyers that the government pays for, avoid doing their job as much as possible. According to the textbook, the English law says: “Whosoever shall be convicted of murder shall suffer death as a felon.” Nowadays the principle of “a life for a life” is respected by giving murderers life sentences instead of death, but the main idea remains the same, and nobody has updated the text of the law since the 19th century, for some mysterious reason. Or maybe not so mysterious. According to the New Aeon Qabalah of Aleister Crowley, that sentence of the law adds up to 652. The most famous book of Aleister Crowley is called, funnily enough, The Book of The Law, and several bits of the book add up to 652 as well. A good one is: “It is the law to give, then they shall chance to abide in this.” It looks like Crowley did that one on purpose, doesn’t it? Another one: “Upon the Earth I am Heaven and there is no other God than me.” It makes lots of sense when you remember that “thou shalt not kill” is the most popular of the Ten Commandments everywhere, and unlawful killing has been used as the most basic foundation for mutual understanding with just about every tribe and nation. Sometimes completely the wrong way around, you know, engaging in a lot of unlawful killing first, but never mind… everybody gets it in the end.

But wait, look what I just did! I just passed by you the idea that the police can’t be asked to investigate a murder, and then I distracted you and it flew under the radar! But of course the police investigate murders! What sort of person am I, that believes the random stories in a website of somebody that spray-paints bedsheets? What am I going to believe, all those wonderful TV series and documentaries explaining in great detail how the police take pains to solve murders, or a random website saying that they don’t?

Or, for that matter, my own lying memory? Because, you know, I believe the story because I heard that one before. Hearsay isn’t valid as evidence for murder or attempted murder. I knew somebody that was knifed in his home by his neighbour, a nasty characted that threw away his mobile phone afterwards to make sure he couldn’t call an ambulance. Turned out that the statement he made, saying it was his own neighbour that knifed him was hearsay, so the case never went to court. And anyway, this rough guy had a good reason to knife him. He was having a private moment with his girlfriend, beating the hell out of her, and the nosy neighbour called the police! Isn’t that a good reason to make a few holes on somebody?

Which reminds me of the legal term associated with murder “malice aforethought”, used to mean that the murder is fully intentional and not a bit of an accident. Which adds up to 239, that’s also the number for “and half concealed the law is” and “hear me ye people” and “I shall deal hardly with them”. Yeah, I can attest that explaining to somebody that you know some of the finer points of the law on murder seems to have a chilling effect on some people, for some reason. I had a reputation once of being a total bitch, a fair one, but still a bitch. Some people pronounced it witch, I didn’t mind. Nailing how judges were likely to pass sentence was part of it. Explaining the finer points of law to people who were determined not to go to the police with their problem was another part of it. I wouldn’t touch anything that had got somebody going to Accident & Emergency, that was definitely for the police, and if the police screwed it, too bad. I knew my limits.

The whole thing also reminds me of when the news said Beatle George got knifed in his own home. I woder why the police didn’t say: “Sorry, sir, you are a bit of a doubtful character, we have busted you before for drugs, and your own statement that this guy was the one that knifed you… we’re very sorry, but it’s hearsay.”

But then, “wealthy” adds up to 74, which is also “book of law”. That might explain something. Like why, if you aren’t at least middle class, the police will say: “Sorry, we don’t have the resources to deal with your crime.” And if you are rich enough, the police will say: “Sir, we don’t have the resources to deal with your crime.” It can take a lot of sigils to make those two almost identical sentences mean almost the same thing, but I bet it can be done.

By now you might be wondering: what is this hearsay trick, how can I use it to get away with murder, and how can I use sigils to make it work even better? I hear you. Oh, I hear you.

Let’s suppose, entirely hypothetically, of course, that you happen to know of a black wizard. Let’s call him Mr White. Let’s suppose you wanted to murder him, because, well, he’s a black wizard. Like, he’s been aiding and abetting major Black Mass rituals. For example, somebody organised a rally on summer solstice in a megachurch in Phoenix, demanding that the attendants sign (blood optional) a paper saying they won’t mind and won’t hold anyone responsible if they fall dead as a consequence of the pestilence and abominations that just happen to be present in this particular temple at this deadly Black Mass. The aforementioned abominations are busy desolating the entire world, so what’s the big deal?

That’s the sort of situation where The Book of the Law really shines. Especially in combination with the Book of Revelations in the Bible. “Mystery, Babylon the Great, the mother of all harlots and abominations of the Earth” adds up to 873, which is in the Book of the Law: “Bliss. / The fool readeth this book of the law and its comment and he understandeth it”. Priceless. There must be quite a few Q-Anon followers that have come across Crowley’s Book of the Law and thought: “Yep, this sort of shocking, disgusting and impenetrable stuff is exactly what the elites must believe.” And they are right, of course. Who else would organise a Black Mass but a real Satanist, not a make-believe one that is all about theatrics? Marilyn Manson might have wanted to do a concert and sing Personal Jesus at the time, but he didn’t even get a chance, he wasn’t allowed.

Going back to this imaginary Mr White, let’s say he has spent his entire time since the beginning of the pestilence collecting all sorts of conspiracy theories defending the right of people to believe in anything but the basic facts of viral infectious disease. And let’s suppose that you picked on Mr White, of all the people who were taking the side of the Antichrist at this particular end of times, because you did subscribe to be a member of his site when you were at a particularly low point in 2021. More specifically, because for the previous four years you were thinking everyone and their mother in the news were talking in code, as the only possible way you could imagine of explaining current events was the mother-of-all-conspiracies theory, and to top that January was a bit rough, and your brain was still glitching from the bad trip you somehow got with vitamins only, and you were a bit desperate for a little reassurance that you had good chances of not ending locked up in a mental hospital.

Well, the Book of Revelations again has some good lines about that. “The hold of every foul spirit” adds up to 341, which is also the number of “thou wilt shall be the whole of the law”. Makes total sense, because a society that embraces contagious disease as some sort of freedom has to be either becoming a failed state or anarchy or a pretty nasty dictatorship, and the phrase covers all those options. Certainly “of the people, by the people, for the people” is not how you’d normally describe a system of government that allows recommending actively that the people wallow in filth, and even after deposing the head of state, lets him have another go because apparently there is nothing inherently wrong with the people wallowing in filth. Which is precisely why the people vote for it, and the leaders accept it: actual reality is so horrible to contemplate that most people just don’t contemplate it, and that makes it even worse, much like an alcoholic that drinks to forget how awful life is when drinking way too much.

Let me backtrack a little now. Let’s also suppose that up to 9/11/2020 you had been following a real-life angel, Chris, a prepper that knew everything about energy issues and how the world was going to end when all the machines stopped for lack of fuel and all the crops died when the climate went crazy, and was on top of it all a doctor. Chris had spent the whole pandemic producing great videos on the subject, and around the fateful date of 9/11, you saw him turn around and start saying that people in Britain should not panic at all about the new spike in cases, that turned out to be the alpha variant of the virus, and should start gently and slowly going mad with him, crazier and crazier, one step at a time.

The Book of Revelations has it covered again: “and the third part of the waters became wormwood”, which adds up to 525, which is also the number for “penetrant her lovely hands upon the black earth” and “What shall be the sign? So she answered him bending down”… I get the vibe that I lost you there. You are probably thinking that somebody told you that Chernobyl means wormwood, and what do those lines have to do with radioactivity? Well, nothing, because Crowley may have been psychic, but he definitely didn’t know that there was going to be a nuclear accident in Chernobyl way after his death. What he did know is that wormwood was a medicinal plant with many uses, and that plants and herbs are female in Latin. You can tell how those lines would match a plant.

And going back to the site of Mr White, that may be called Sigil Soup or something like that, imagine that after making the mistake of subscribing, you realised that he didn’t just dabble at times on a little disease-promoting conspiracy, but that he was a connoisseur, a collector trying to gather the complete works of the diseased minds that didn’t give a flying F about collapsing the hospital system with something scarily catching and deadly. And when you tried to chat with the other members of the site, not only they provided precisely zero reassurance, but they ganged up on you to see which way you would jump when they defended their right to be literal vampires, actively sucking the life out of everyone around them by not vaccinating. Even after you said that your elderly aunt and cousin of frail health had been sucked in by the anti-vax propaganda.

Definitely, “the hold of every foul spirit”. There are other good matches for 341, like “his woman called the scarlet woman is all”. Which isn’t only about feeling really bloodthirsty, but also, “scarlet woman” adds up to 128, which is 2x2x2x2x2x2x2. A word for exponential spread (doubling many times) and extreme division (halving many times). And 128 is also the number for “let her kill”.

And while Chris, the angel, slowly went dark and mad, Mr White instead was totally unrepentant. He did not stop and declare he wanted to become a Catholic priest and take a vow of silence, he did not change his mind and abjure of his disease-promoting conspiracies, and he didn’t even take the low-level street-wise measure of tattooing a couple tears on his face to forestall the possibility of someone marking his face in a more painful way.

Which reminds me that blasphemy is still, technically, a law, even though it doesn’t get applied any more in England. But it could, at least in principle and theoretically, be revived. And certainly in times of Crowley it was still applicable. That’s probably why The Book of the Law contains the expression “the blasphemy against all gods of men”, that adds up to 370. Other lines with that number that fit are “there is no bond that can unite” and “my worship be about my secret”. They sound like Crowley knew what he was talking, or at least numbering, about.

To sum it all up, let’s suppose you’re thinking you’d love to watch a snuff movie with a recreation of the opening scenes of the Da Vinci Code but with Mr White as the poor museum guy that gets killed with sigils, because you’ve concluded, beyond all reasonable doubt, that he’s evil. But you are still a little concerned about the possibility that his gang have been chewing up on bits of your soul, and might chew a bit harder after the movie, and you wonder if you’d need to ask them to cough them back, if they wouldn’t mind too much. How do you get away with it?

Well, with sigils, obviously. Optionally, you may want to wear a beautiful ceremonial cloak, that you can lay down on the site, and a maintenance worker uniform underneath. In other words, standard superhero attire.

Aw, there is none, and I weave my spell.

I hope you were paying attention to the right parts of the story.

Disclaimer: The above was dark humour, that you may or may not like. Hey, some of the jokes I don’t like myself. Don’t put any of the ideas into practice. This is purely for entertainment purposes and basic education on the practices of Aleister Crowley (“the wickedest man in the world”). If anybody puts these ideas into practice, run away screaming and don’t even try to look from a safe distance. Even if you think that you might enjoy watching.